Choosing Love...The Fool in the Night

An online conversation reminded me today of the struggle that I've had over the years -- as this Great Love inside me has blossomed and grown and not really had as many places to "land" as I have had overflowing Love/ feeling/ inspiration to share (having been a single mom for the majority of the last 18 years). My friends online were discussing having felt embarassed at being seen as overly enthusiastic and wanting to apologize for making others uncomfortable due to over exuberance. But I was reminded of a similar conversation that I had years ago with a friend who had been accused of having overwhelmed someone with his spirit/kindness/love -- he asked the simple question, "Haven't you been under-whelmed long enough?" Sometimes I need reminders to help "bring me back to love, to kindness, to being real and open and sensitive/vulnerable" rather than the opposite spectrum of holding back in fear, stingyness, hardness, bitterness, shyness/embarassment, feeling lack or "less than". Meryl Streep's character in the movie, "One True Thing" had a profound impact on me when I realized that she was not just a naive, simple housewife but instead was consciously choosing to be loving and choosing to be happy/kind/childlike despite the details of her life that could have "made" her bitter and unloving/ungiving and unforgiving. The concept that I could actually "choose love" was new to me at the time, but very intriguing.

Within the next couple of years (after seeing the movie), I wrote the following poem on a night where my mind and heart were wrestling about whether I "should" express the love that was trying to overflow from my being or just keep it bottled up, out of "consideration" for the other who might feel overwhelmed at my sharing. I hope you enjoy it.

‘The Fool In The Night

by C. M. Rose

Feeling foolish

she sat on the step

blanketed by the comforting dark anonymity

of the night

searching for answers

or even just clues

to her oft-asked questions

regarding her favorite muse.

Why was she so compelled

to go overboard in her writings,

so frequent and redundant

with her spillings?

Why couldn’t she just relax

and “let the wind blow”

as he advised her

so many months ago?

She felt the wind blowing slightly

just then

and listened as it barely rustled

the trees around the yard.

She thought to herself,

“It’s a nice breeze—

of what have I been so afraid?”

And as she asked

she knew:

she was afraid

of what she thought she knew

and of what not sharing it

might do.

She seemed to be given

these instructions and Love

to serve some higher purpose

and she was compelled to carry through.

Preferring the idea

of erring with action

versus inaction

she often found herself

playing the fool.

She had some difficulty discerning

just what to say or do.

The urgings so compelling

she felt too ill-equipped to decide.

So instead just opted

to abide

while begging,

“Pardon me if I’m out of line,

but I can’t stop this huge Love

from bulldozing its way through.”

And as she felt the wind blow

a mottled little cat

approached her side,

circling and assessing

her transparent energy field.

And, reading her right,

becoming her twin,

the cat no longer hesitated

and instead just jumped right in.

“Here I am,” he purred

as he thrust his head under her hand.

“I want some affection from you

and here I will stand

until you pet me and Love me

and feel my warm thanks radiating back

through you.”

So she stopped her contemplation

and turned her attention to him.

Appreciating his openness,

she gave him all she could,

rubbing his head, his ears and his back

with one hand, then two.

“Yes,” she thought,

“you sense my needs, you do.

I Am grateful for this moment with you.”

And as they sat there together

under the blanket of dark,

the anonymity lifted up,

loving affection leaving its mark.

Her questions seemed answered

after all

as she realized

the same old universal theme,

“it’s just Love

purring softly

‘let me in,’

for I Am The Most Powerful Thing.”

And with that

The fool went in

to send another email of Love

into the now-more-friendly

blanket of the night:

“Sweet dreams, my Love.

Good night.”

(I've added this image here since these cards represent the energetic archetypes of being free, open, bright, optimistic and powerful -- pondering these images assists with aligning with the archetypes.)

So, just as in my poem, I will send this Love note to all of you into the lovely "blanket" of this day, knowing that it is also night somewhere...

Sweet dreams, my love...Good night!

xo